It was the darkest night of the year: the night of Diwali in 2010. My
family lit hundreds of thousands of candles; there were lamps that were
made of burnt clay and were consuming fast mustard oil. Lights were all
across the globe except in my world. I have never very religious; but
spiritual, you can say. I revere Mother Teresa and try finding my God
among poor, needy and hungry people. I love serving them because I know
serving humans is the service to God. However, on every Diwali, (I can’t
clearly explain the reason why) I keep fast until the religious rituals
are over. 2010 saw the same practice by me.
But, loneliness was eating me up inside. My entire breath became a prayer; since I came to learn that I am attracted to men- I had been ransacking the entire world to find out my soul mate. I was a bit blunt. I had my own terms and condition of living my life and of a soul mate. To be honest, like thousands of you- I knocked on many wrong doors. The 2010 Diwali was when I felt really exhauste; I thought of gay relations and love stories as a Utopian concept; a concept that has no real implications, at least in India, more specifically in Calcutta, my hometown.
I have only one childhood friend. At school and college, I made many friends; but they are not as sensitive and patient as my childhood friend is. But, he being a straight never paid much attention to what I had been feeling, I had been wanting, I had been dying for. There was none in whom I could confide my story, my demands for living my life up happily. And the downside of my character is that I can befriend all but I can’t be open to all; I couldn’t get into a relation with any Tom, Dick and Harry. However, I am not an introvert. I love talking to people and am very amicable.
And I said to myself that I wouldn’t compromise anyways. No matter what, I would stay with a person who would love me more than his own life. Very hard it was, quite next to impossible. But, I have always been very stubborn, headstrong. During that hunt, I rejected many guys and many of them just turned their face off me for some reasons or the other. I could feel the Divine Oneness with anyone. I couldn’t feel at home and at ease with anyone and it fanned my frustration manifold.
On the occasion of Diwali, I had a compliant to God (remember I am talking about the time between 2008 to 2010 when I was just 21 or 22 and was a bit childish). Why me? Why do I have to stay alone for the rest of my life? Why do I have to stay happy with temporary courtship, one-night stands? I had blown the God in my mind with an endless list of questions. Because, no matter what is my sexual orientation, I have to right to love and be loved in return from someone who is more than a friend.
The Good heaven took time but responded to me eventually. I discovered a Platromeo profile owner from the Capital City of India had been continually visiting my profile. However, he was the strangest of guys. He left no footprints, no
messages, neither was there anything to get the ball rolling.
On a Sunday morning, I saw that guy online. Thinking it would be a golden chance to converse with him, I asked him direct his details. A meek, mild and creative person from the other side responded. He had been looking for a relationship too. Seeing my profile write up that clearly told it all that I was for a relation, he stopped by and was trying to imagine my face. My profile had no display picture.
Just after seven following Diwali 2010, I got the best gift from God, my love, my man, my peaceful life.
He is from South India. I am from the East. However, for earning a living, he had shifted to New Delhi in 2003. And still, there was altogether a distance of 1500 KMs in between us in November 2010.
We met after a month. He came to meet me to Calcutta. I found him very simple, very down to earth and most importantly a man whose heart is made of steel and who can go against the tide in future to keep our relation alive. It was the Eureka moment of my life. I said-“bingo! Hooray!”. I didn’t wait for anything better, I promised him to hold his hand forever.
The cherry on the cake is both the two of our families now know about us. They know we love each other and they have accepted us together which is really rare in India; they know we are into a relation as beautiful as the one shared by Jack and Rose in Titanic by James Cameron. And yes, at times we sing in chorus “my heart will go on…”
I shifted to New Delhi in 2011 September and we are happily into a living-in relation thereafter. I am unsure whether India would ever let us get married or not, yet I feel “I am the king of the World” when he calls me “Ami” (Amit becomes AMI for him). And I am proud to be his Ami; I am his Ami.
But, loneliness was eating me up inside. My entire breath became a prayer; since I came to learn that I am attracted to men- I had been ransacking the entire world to find out my soul mate. I was a bit blunt. I had my own terms and condition of living my life and of a soul mate. To be honest, like thousands of you- I knocked on many wrong doors. The 2010 Diwali was when I felt really exhauste; I thought of gay relations and love stories as a Utopian concept; a concept that has no real implications, at least in India, more specifically in Calcutta, my hometown.
I have only one childhood friend. At school and college, I made many friends; but they are not as sensitive and patient as my childhood friend is. But, he being a straight never paid much attention to what I had been feeling, I had been wanting, I had been dying for. There was none in whom I could confide my story, my demands for living my life up happily. And the downside of my character is that I can befriend all but I can’t be open to all; I couldn’t get into a relation with any Tom, Dick and Harry. However, I am not an introvert. I love talking to people and am very amicable.
And I said to myself that I wouldn’t compromise anyways. No matter what, I would stay with a person who would love me more than his own life. Very hard it was, quite next to impossible. But, I have always been very stubborn, headstrong. During that hunt, I rejected many guys and many of them just turned their face off me for some reasons or the other. I could feel the Divine Oneness with anyone. I couldn’t feel at home and at ease with anyone and it fanned my frustration manifold.
On the occasion of Diwali, I had a compliant to God (remember I am talking about the time between 2008 to 2010 when I was just 21 or 22 and was a bit childish). Why me? Why do I have to stay alone for the rest of my life? Why do I have to stay happy with temporary courtship, one-night stands? I had blown the God in my mind with an endless list of questions. Because, no matter what is my sexual orientation, I have to right to love and be loved in return from someone who is more than a friend.
The Good heaven took time but responded to me eventually. I discovered a Platromeo profile owner from the Capital City of India had been continually visiting my profile. However, he was the strangest of guys. He left no footprints, no
messages, neither was there anything to get the ball rolling.
On a Sunday morning, I saw that guy online. Thinking it would be a golden chance to converse with him, I asked him direct his details. A meek, mild and creative person from the other side responded. He had been looking for a relationship too. Seeing my profile write up that clearly told it all that I was for a relation, he stopped by and was trying to imagine my face. My profile had no display picture.
Just after seven following Diwali 2010, I got the best gift from God, my love, my man, my peaceful life.
He is from South India. I am from the East. However, for earning a living, he had shifted to New Delhi in 2003. And still, there was altogether a distance of 1500 KMs in between us in November 2010.
We met after a month. He came to meet me to Calcutta. I found him very simple, very down to earth and most importantly a man whose heart is made of steel and who can go against the tide in future to keep our relation alive. It was the Eureka moment of my life. I said-“bingo! Hooray!”. I didn’t wait for anything better, I promised him to hold his hand forever.
The cherry on the cake is both the two of our families now know about us. They know we love each other and they have accepted us together which is really rare in India; they know we are into a relation as beautiful as the one shared by Jack and Rose in Titanic by James Cameron. And yes, at times we sing in chorus “my heart will go on…”
I shifted to New Delhi in 2011 September and we are happily into a living-in relation thereafter. I am unsure whether India would ever let us get married or not, yet I feel “I am the king of the World” when he calls me “Ami” (Amit becomes AMI for him). And I am proud to be his Ami; I am his Ami.
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