Rape, theft and blackmail: True stories of the risks gay Indians take for sex

Yesterday I met face-to-face for the first time with a Facebook friend, Rohan, who lives in my city. As both of us are gay we talked about all the LGBTI issues in India.

The topic then turned to sex and blind dates. And that meant we very quickly started talking about the molestation and vulnerability of gays.

Rohan told me he had a very bitter experience and argued gays in India are really unsafe and vulnerable.

He fixed up a date with a guy he met through a social network. They decided to meet in a public place which is very quiet and empty during evenings.

He said at first he did not like the idea of sex in the open but the boy seemed cute and attractive so he went.

What he didn’t realize was the guy’s true intentions.

At first, all seemed fine. They started kissing and feeling each other’s bodies. Then the guy gently took Rohan’s smartphone from his pocket and suddenly said ‘I think someone is coming’.

Rohan replied he couldn’t see or hear anyone but the guy insisted ‘Let’s go in different directions, otherwise we will be caught’ and ran off.

‘When I came out of that place and realized that my phone was not in my pocket, I panicked. I thought, what I will say at home?

‘I can’t go to police even though I know his fake ID. In any case, I knew that he must have blocked me by now.

‘I stood there for a long time lifeless, not knowing what to do. For me it was not only a financial loss but also a loss of trust.

‘I suffered this only because I was gay. If this has happened to a guy or girl they have easily gone to police to complain about the crime but I am a criminal myself in the eyes of Indian law.’

Rohan even shed a few tears while narrating the story – and that didn’t surprise me. It reminded me of so many similar things that have happened in my gay friends’ lives.

One of the worst incidents happened to a friend of mine when he was in college.

There was an area in our city which was known as a place gay men went to meet – this was in the days before we all had access to social networks.

He sometimes went to this cruising ground and one summer afternoon he went there to find someone for sex – it was almost always easy there to find someone.

Suddenly two guys came across him and shouted ‘stop you gay’.

He became terrified and told me later: ‘I tried to escape but they caught me and held on to my hand.

“‘Why are you here?’ One of them asked

“I said I was going for a walk.

‘”No, you want to get fucked,” they said.’

My friend insisted he ‘was not that kind’ but they threatened to tell his family and friends he is gay.

He was so afraid that he could not decide what to do. They took advantage of his hesitation to search his pockets and take his money. Then they held on to him while they raped him.

When he came out of that place he was out of my mind.

He told me: ‘I cursed myself for being gay. I knew I couldn’t take any action as I’m weak, and my weakness is because of the fact that I am a gay and I do not want to tell it openly to save the honor of my family and because I don’t want to hurt my parents.

‘That day for the first time I hated myself for being gay instead of hating those criminals who raped me and looted my purse.

‘When they eventually released me they said with a broad laugh, “do come again with a full purse and empty ass”.

‘This was the most humiliating moment of my life.’

The third example I would like to share is from my own life, when I was in a teenager and I sexually assaulted by my elder brother’s friend.

He used me many a times, and I kept quite due to the fear. I wondered: ‘What will happen if people came to know that I am a gay, I will lose all the respect from society.’

It was realizing I had these fears and would stay silent that gave courage to that guy to use me this way for so long.

Even today, when gays in India have social media as a platform for their voices, these things still happen.

These three are not the only incidents I know of. In fact, I believe every Indian gay has once or more faced something similar in their life.

Sexual harassment, theft, blackmail and more are common to the LGBTIs of India. And in the end, what are we being punished for? Only for searching for love or sex, which are universal human desires.

This will continue until the law changes and society changes its view. That day is not any time soon. Meanwhile all of us, as LGBTI people, have to be strong enough to defend ourselves as best we can. In this war against theft, rape and abuse, we are sadly the first and only line of our own defense

I Was Raped

I Was Sexually Abused By My Uncle And Raped By My Cousin's Best Friend 

(Before you start reading I would like to let u know that by time you finish reading this you nevr know if I still may be alive because it was so hard to write this since I felt like i was reliving every moment through every specific detail that happened to me that nobody should have to go through) My life is really ****** up and full of bullshit. Everyday I just want to crawl into a small space and die so i can i can  be relieved from all the pain and humiliation I've been through and I'm still feeling. Ever since I was 10 years old I have been sexually abused by the one i trusted and wasn't supposed to hurt me. It was my uncle. Whenever he had the chance to come ovr and babysit me which was everyday, he would rape me  or molest me., which ever one he  felt was neccessary to fullfill his needs. The first tyme this happened my mom called him and asked him to babysit. He walked in my room, smiled at me and looked at me up and down., I just smiled back at me but little did I kno the actual reason he was smiling. He sat by me on my bed and started to rub my arm. I looked at him and asked him what he was doing. He said he knew a way to make me a woman. I started to get worried so I tried to get up which made he mad. He grabbed me by my arm and laid me back on the bed. He started to kiss me on my mouth. I started to cry and beg him to stop, but all i got was a slap in the face. He told me it would make me feel good and he knew I wanted it. He pinned both of my hands in his one of his hands and started to take off my clothes. He told me if i screamed it would only make it worse. He took his clothes off and put a condom on and started to rape me. I cried and begged him to stop.  I tried to fight my way from underneath him but I couldn't he was too strong. I kept telling him he was hurting me but he wouldn't listen. All I could hear was his moaning and groaning in my ear and all i could feel was his sweat and kisses that trailed down my body. Until after about  a half an hour he was finally down. He got up, put his clothes back on, grabbed me by my face and told me if i told anyone he would kill me. He smiled and left my room. All i could do was lay on the bed sobbing hoping that evrything would b ok. But it wasn't. I felt pain and most of all sick and dirty from what he did. I never thought he would do something like that. I finally crawled into the bathroom and took the hottest shower I ever could and scrubbed myself raw and just laid in the shower crying. Ever since that day my life has nevr been the same. He finally stopped after five years  when I was raped by my cousin's best friend. My uncle for some reason could tell that I was raped by someone else because he didn't get the same feeling as he used to ever since the first time he raped me., especially from me being a virgin at the age of ten.. He would usually felt  satisfied and accomplished since he was the only person that I've ever had  ''sex'' with. But anyway like I was saying, i was raped by my cousin's best friend. My cousin had to go to the mal to pick up his little brother which was like a 2 hour drive. He thought since his friend was there that I would b ok so he finally left. After about 10 minutes from my cousin's leaving, his friend started to flirt with me. He started to touch my arm and rub it. I started to get scared since everything that I've been through with my uncle and all and that's how it would all start by the touching of my arm. I asked him if he could stop touching me and stay away from me please. He got so mad. He grabbed me by both of my arms and told me that if he wanted me he was going to take me. He kissed me roughly on my mouth and i started to cry. I begged him to please don't do this. He didn't care. He looked at my body up and down and threw me on the bed. He tore a piece of an old shirt from my cousin's shirt off and tied me to the bed. I was kicking and screaming and crying all at the same time. I kept saying no and to stop, but he didn't care. He got on top of me and slowly started to take off my clothes. He said he wanted me to remember this  for my whole entire life.  He took off his clothes and got something out of his pants pocket and took out a condom. I started to cry harder because I knew what was going to happen next. He put the condom on  and laid down on top of me. He kissed me and started going down my neck all the way down to my stomach. Then i felt a sharp pain that felt like it would last forever. He was raping me. I tried so hard to get him off of me and release the bonds that were tying my hands together, but it was no use.  He said he knew I liked it and he said it was sad that he wasn't my first.  He slapped me and told me to shut up. I have bruises that I feel would last a lifetime. Finally after a hour he was done. He got off of me, untied my hands , got dressed and told me if I told my cousin what happend he would come after me and it would be worse the next time, especially with more people. I got dressed and went into the bathroom and locked the door and cried laying on the floor. I didn't open the door until my cousin pulled up into the drive way. I was so quiet and looked like i was hurt so my cousin asked me if i was ok. I looked at his friend who had a glare on his face and looked at my cousin and put a fake smile on my face and said i was fine. He finally took me home. So as you can definitely see rape and sexual abuse has a major part in my life and i feel it will control me no matter where i go no matter what i do. I just want the numbness, pain and misery to go away and leave me the **** alone. I still cut myself and i have tried to commit suicide 3 times. One of those tymes was almost successful  (i took an entire bottle of sleeping pills) , but i ended up in the hospital. I still try to because i feel as though the sooner i die the better off i'll  be  and so will my family be not having to deal with me and my issues.......even though they don't know the truth behind me trying to commit suicide and cutting.  No one knows what I feel and have to deal with everyday for the rest of my life!

Faizan ke Bhai Faiyaz ka Rape Part-2

“Mujhe jana hai ye sab nahin karna’ usne kaha to maine Faizan se kaha ‘chalo kapde pehan lo isko jana hai’ phir natak mein kaha yaar ek baar nangey hokar apni gaand dikha do phir chale jana’ kehker jab maine Faiyaz ki chaddhi neechey kheenchi to wo shayad is liye kuch nahin bola ki usko uske baad jane ko milega aur uski izzat bach jayegi.

Uska bilkul nanga badan dekh ker to mera sar ghoon gaya aur hosh udh gaye. Uski kamsin nazuk si jawani mere saamne lachak kha rahi thi. ‘Zara chalk e dikhao na’ maine ussey kaha aur usko apne saamne gaand lachakwa ke chalwaya to uski gori phaankien mere saamne machalne lagien ‘bas?’ usne thodi door jakar kaha to maine kaha ‘bas thoda aur’ to wo thoda aur chala’ Faizan ne bhi towel apne lund pe rakh lit hi.

“yaar tum to badey sharmeeley type ke ho tumhari jagah koi tumhara dost hota to poorey mazey leta’ maine Faiyaz se kaha to Faizan bola ‘arrey thodi sharam hai bas mujhse to nahin sharmata’ Faiyaz abhi bhi bas wahan se jane ki ratt lagaye huye tha.

Maine aur Faizan ne khoob jam ke daru peena shuru ker diya aur hum Faiyaz ko kamre mein nanga chalwatey rahe. Uska badan manmohak tha aur uski gaand ki phaankien to dekh ke lagta tha ki agar kasker haath rakh doon to uspe nishan pad jayengey. Uski dono phankien makhmal si nazuk thi aur gol, maansal aur gadrayi, jab wo chalta to uski phaankein aapas mein dilkash tareekey se ragadti aur uski patli gori kamar bhi lachak kha jati, uski jaangh chalne mein kabhi tight hoti kabhi loose, aur wo chaltey chaltey mudh ker dekhta to meri saans ruk jati, uski gaand ki daraar kasi huyi thi aur uska ched chupa rahi thi aur uski kamar pe jahan se uski gaand ki daraar shuru ho rahi thi aisa lagta tha jaise wahan kissi sangmarmar ke pahaad ki waadi ho.

‘Chalo baith jao aur thodi der hamari blue film ka maza lo’ Faizan ne Faiyaz se kaha aur mujhe khade khade hi apni bahon mein bhar liya, uska garam badan fauran mujhe jalane laga aur main kuch pal ko Faiyaz ko bhool gaya . Faizan ki kamsin jawani mein itni kashish thi ki uska sparsh miltey hi main turant hi tharak gaya aur uski bahon mein simat gaya . Faizan ke haath mera badan sehla sehla ker mujhe garam karne lagey.

“dekh beta aise maza lete hain’ kehkar Faizan Faiyaz ko dikha dikha ke badan dabane aur sehlaney laga magar Faiyaz ki ghabrahat khatam nahin huyi thi is liye wo hum dono pe kam hi dhyan de raha tha.

Tabhi mera phone ring ker gaya, maine usey bajne diya magar phone karne wala mana nahin aur lagatar kayi baar ring karta raha to maine usey utha liya ‘doosri taraf Guddu tha’ Main uski awaaz sunker hi khush ho gaya. Usne mujhe bataya ki wo apne baap ke kaam se kanpur chala gaya tha aur is beech uska number bhi invalid ho gaya tha. Ab usne naya number le liya tha. Usne mujhe bataya ki usne Nasir ko mere liye phansa liya hai aur main jab kahun wo usko le aayega. Maine ussey agle din ka programme banaya aur uska number save ker liya.

Faizan mere honthon ko badi zabadast tareeke se chus raha tha aur mera badan tapadtod masal raha tha, usne apni towel dheeli ker di thi aur wo khul chuki thi, Faizan apna lund meri kamar mein bhida ker apne chotey bhai ko dikha raha tha, usne mera muh apni taraf karwa ker mere saath karwat lekar let gaya aur meri phaankein chiir chiir ke dabane laga to meri gaand tharak gayi, us samay to main Faiyaz ka lund gaand mein lene ko taiyyar ho jata magar uska bada bhai mujhe chorr nahin raha tha.

Faizan dumdaar tareeke se mere honth chus raha tha main kuch palon mein uski kamsin aur chikni kamukta ke vash mein ho gaya ‘abey dekha na aise maza liya jata hai’ usne Faiyaz ko bola magar Faiyaz ab halka halka nashey mein tha aur apne haath saamne karke lund chipaker khada tha. Magar is prakar khule aam gay sex scene dekhker usko shayad thoda bahut interest to aa raha tha kyunki uska lund khada sa ho raha tha jisko wo haathon se dabaye tha.

Ab Faizan poorey from mein aa gaya aur is baat ko bhool gaya ki uska chota bhai thodi door pe bilkul nanga khada uska kriyakalaap dekh raha hai. Wo phir meri chaati pe baith gaya aur ghapaghup mujhe apna lund chuswaney laga, uske dhakke kafi zordaar thay aur jo kasar pichli raat bach gayi thi usko poora kar rahe thay. Main haathon se uski kamar aur gaand sehla raha tha, phir usne mujhse apni gaand chatwana shuru ker di ‘dekha na us blue film mein aisa hi tha na’ usne Faiyaz se poocha to wo kuch bola nahin’ abbey bolta kyun nahin hai ab teri gaand kahan mar rahi hai’ usne usko daanta aur taangien phaila ker baith gaya taki mujhe uske anduye chusne aur gaand chaatne mein aasaani ho. Main bhi kuttiya ki tarah uski mast gaand chaatne laga aur maza dene aur lene laga.

Kuch der mein humne Faiyaz ko ignore ker diya aur apne mazey lene lagey.

Faizan bada hi mast jawan aur kamsin mard tha, mujhe yakeen thaw o aagey jakar accha laundeybaaz niklega aur uske baad choot phadega. Usne Faiyaz se kaha ‘zara daru banaker pila de na humko’ Faiyaz thoda jhijhka to Faizan ne daanta ‘abey mujhe to mazey lene de’ is per Faiyaz se hiltey huye haathon se apna nangapan chupatey huye daru ke do peg banaker humko diye to maine uska haath pakad ke phir uski gaand dabana shuru ker di, Faiyaz machla to Faizan mujhe kuhni maarta huya bola ‘abey jane de na jab wo nahin taiyyar hai to’ phir Faiyaz se kaha ‘zara bathroom se tel utha de is gandu ki gaand mein lauda pelna hai’ Faiyaz jab bathroom ko gaya to uski gaand badi hi lubhavni lagi.

Jab tel aa gaya to Faizan ne turant lund aur gaand pet el lagaya aur phir turant hi uska lund meri gaand mein ander bahar honay laga jissey main siskariyan bharne laga Faizan apne muh ko mere kaano ke paas laya aur halke halke baat kerne laga ‘saley ki gaand lega na?’ usne poocha to main bola ‘haan yaar’ ‘to chinta mat karma thodi der mein saley ko patak ke pel dena dekha jayega behanchod nakhra ker raha hai, mujhse khoob araam se sehalwata hai saley ka rape ker dena mamu’ wo kahe jar aha tha aur mujhe chodey jar aha tha. Kafi der chodne ke baad usne break le liya ‘dekha na aise gaand maartey hai’ usne Faiyaz se kaha jo zyada kuch bol nahin raha tha, wo apne aap ko alag thalag rakhe tha magar kyunki uske kapde humne bed ke neechay daal diye thay wo majbooran nanga hokar hamara tamasha dekh raha tha.

Jab break le liya to Faizan mootney ke liye bathroom ki taraf gaya to maine Faiyaz ki aankhon mein aankhien daalker poocha ‘kaisa laga’ magar usne jawab nahin diya bas bola ‘mere kapde de dijiye mujhe jana hai ye sab pasand nahin hai’

“accha aao le lo’ kehker maine usko paas bulaya to wo halke se mere paas aaya is baar wo sachet tha ki kahin main usko pakad na loon magar phir bhi mujhse bach nahin paya aur maine usko bed pe kheench ke uska chumban lena shuru ker diya to wo resist karne laga, is baar usne mujhe ghutne se laat maar ker alag karne ki koshish bhi kari to mujhe gussa aa gaya.

Maine seedhay ek haath uske gaal pe mara to uske kaan sunn ho gaye ‘behan ke lauda nakhra kya ker raha hai saley’ maine kaha to usne mujhe wapas maarne ki koshish kari. Jis pe maine phir usko ek chaanta lagaya. Is baar jab usne haath chalaya to seedhay mere gaalon pe laga jissey mera sar ghoom gaya aur main khada ho gaya ‘behan ke laudey tu aise nahin manega’ kehker maine uske baal kheenchtey huye usko bed se neechay giraya aur uske muh aur chati pe teen chaar laatien maari, is baar ka attack tez tha is liye wo ronay laga magar main uski chaati pe baith gaya aur usko chaantien maarne laga ‘madarchod haath chalayega saley ab apni gaand bacha ke dikha de chikne teri to aaj seal phadunga’

Wo ronay laga magar maine usko maarna band nahin kiya. Main poora zor dekar uski chati pe baitha tha so usko wahan bhi dard honay laga. Jab main usko maar ke thak gaya to Faizan bahar aaya aur usne Faiyaz ko rota dekha ‘kya huya’ usne poocha ‘sala maar raha tha maine iski bhi tudaayi kar di’ maine kaha to wo bola ‘theek kiya’ aur bottle se peg banaker peene laga usne mujhe bhi lakar ek peg diya to maine uske haathon se hi pee liya.

Uske baad Faizan bhi Faiyaz ki doori taraf let gaya, ab Faiyaz hum dono ke beech leta tadap raha tha, kuch der mein hum don one hi uska badan sehlana shuru ker diya ‘haye bada chikna hai thoda maza le lene de janeman’ maine Faiyaz se kaha. Usne phir kaha ‘please ye sab mat karo mujhe jane do’ ab itni oitaai ke baad wo sudhar gaya tha aur hathapaai nahi kar raha tha.

“array jane denege thodi de rmaza lene de’ maine kaha aur uske honth chusne laga to Faizan hum dono ke ooper se guzarta huya mere bazu mein aa gaya aur meri gaand sehlane laga, uska khada kadak lund meri peeth se bhid raha tha. Mujhe turant Faizan ki jawani ka anand aaney laga, usne expert tarah se meri gaand ki phaankien phaila dien aur mere ched pe apna supada bhidaney laga, uske laudey se maal ris raha tha so uska supada mere chedd pe phisalker aur zyada maza de raha tha.

Phir kuch der baad usne apne lund pet hook bhi laga liya to mera ched kulbula ke khulne laga aur uske supadey ko choomne laga. Idhar main Faiyaz ka badan bhookey sher ki tarah ragad ker anand utha raha tha ‘tera bhai meri gaand pe lund bhida raha hai dekhega kya’ maine usko chumtey huye poocha to usne jawab nahin diya.

Phir Faizan ne lund meri gaand mein daalna huru ker ke siskariyan bharna shuru ker diya ‘dekha tuney nahin marwayi magar ye kitne pyar se gaand marwata hai’ Faizan ne Faiyaz se kaha aur mujhe palat ke meri gaand hawa mein uthwa di aur meri gaand mein lund ander bahar pelne laga to main bhi mastuya ke siariyan bharne laga. Maine Faiyaz ko apne saamne kheench liya aur uski jaanghon ko takiya banaker uspe sar rakh liya. Uski chikni jaanghien makhkhan ki tarah phisal rahien thi aur jab main unpe muh rakhker chusta ya chumta to wahan laal nishan ban jata.

Kuch der mein Faizan aur meri chudayi poorey form mein aa gayai aur hum awaazien nikal nikal ke usme vileen ho gaye ‘dekha gandu aise chodtey hain saley sikha raha hoon seekh le’ Faizan ne Faiyaz se kaha aur uske baal pakad ke apne peechay ki taraf kheench diya ‘ab dekh gaand mein kaise lund jata hai’ usne kaha aur meri gaand apne bhai ki nazron ke saamne phaadne laga, main bhi mazey lene laga.

Phir Faizan ne mujhe seedha karke taangien chati pe mudwa ke chodna shuru kiya ‘la thoda tel laga de’ usne Faiyaz se kaha to usne jaan bachaney ke liye sheeshi utha ke Faizan ke lund pet el laga diya ‘iski gaand pe bhi laga de na’ us shaam pehli baar mujhe Faiyaz ka haath apni gaand pe mahsoos huya to main masti se sihar gaya aur mere rongtey khadey ho gaye. Maine uska haath pakad liya aur usey apne neechay kheencha to wo chillaya ‘naaaahi kariye’ magar ab mera sabar jawab de raha tha, mere ooper Faizan chada huya tha, usko bhi naya naya chudayi ka chaska tha, maine Faiyaz ko aadha hi apne neechay litaya aur zabardasti palat diya ‘palat ja janeman’

Faiyaz phir haath pair chalane laga to Faizan bola ‘bhosrike chup chaap leta rah maza mat kharab kar warna haath pair tod doonga’ Faiyaz thoda dara, mera lund uski peeth pe phisal raha tha.

Tabhi wo haath chuda ke bed se bathroom ki taraf bhaga aur main aur Faizan dono hi uske peechay bhagey.

To be continued …………

My name is Dwight, I’m a gay man from Idaho, and I was raped

It has been a little over 10 years since that terrifying night that changed my life, my body, my mind and my heart. While living in Denver, I made the mistake of trusting the wrong person.

While having a drink with somebody I thought was a new friend, I was drugged (in my drink), abducted, bound, and gang-raped by four men. It was obviously planned and premeditated. It was brutal, violent, and sadistic. It was without a doubt a “hate crime”. I am telling my story in hopes of helping others. I am NOT a victim, I am a Victor! I am a survivor!

I left my hometown of Emmett, Idaho for a short time in 2001 and went to Denver, Colorado. My sister and her family were moving there. I could no longer hold my secret in. My intention was to have the safety of anonymity of a big city.  I was facing the fact that I was gay, but I could not say it in small-town-rural-close-minded Idaho. The years of bullying and name-calling in school, just for being suspected of being gay, told me that I could never “come out” among the people I loved, and the town that I devoted myself to both personally and professionally.

My time in Denver was brief, intense and ended in violence, which prompted my return to Idaho, back to the safety of Emmett, and my family. I went there with the intention of “coming to terms” with being gay. I knew inside I was gay, but I was not “out”, and I was running out strength to hide from it. Shortly after being introduced to a man, who I thought was becoming a friend, I soon realized he was not a friend, he was evil. He invited me to go have a drink with him and some friends; I was so excited because I had never really gone out with a guy before. Shortly after arriving at the bar, and after a few sips of my first drink, I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel that something had been put into my drink, I felt “out of my mind”.

He and his friends led me to the car, after I got into the vehicle, they bound my wrists together. They then said they were going to show me what “being a faggot was really about”. I then have no memory until my wrists and ankles were being tied to a bed. I couldn’t see anything, they had blindfolded me. Then each of the four men took turns raping me, taking breaks only long enough to hit me, or take another drag off of their pipe.

I remember there being a strange odor, and I could hear them whispering about “how good the Meth was”. I can remember how cold my body was, and how hot my blood felt as it ran down my legs, and down the crack of my butt to my back. And, I can remember the horrible ripping, tearing, burning pain…I felt as though they were swinging the sharp side of an axe between my legs, chopping away like they were avidly attempting to fall a tree.

Truth be told, there were moments during the crime when I thought I would meet the same fate he did, there were moments when I prayed to live and escape, and there were moments when I prayed for the mercy that only death could bring; anything as long as I could no longer see, hear, or feel anymore is all I wanted. I could see out the bottom of the blindfold, my wrists and ankles were tied to the corners of a bed. But, I was thankful that consciousness was on and off for me, the drugs in the beverage and passing out from the terror and trauma was a small blessing. I am fortunate to not remember every single detail, which I am so far beyond thankful for.

Ten years later and I am grateful that my life did not end. I ended up bloody and bruised inside of my Ford Explorer sometime during the middle of the following day in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Where I wrapped myself in a blanket and slowly made my way into my apartment, and spent hours sitting on the floor of the shower for hours tending to my many wounds. I then went into “hiding” for a few days, and eventually got fired from job for missing work.

In the shower, I sat there and the water went from hot to warm to cold…but I could not even feel the water. I stared at the drain with a foot on each side of the drain that I knew were mine, but they no longer felt like they were attached to my body. I watched for hours as a steady stream of blood, their fluids drained from me, it mixed with water and together and went down the drain.

I was in so much physical pain, and in shock, my body was no longer functioning properly. I could not feel a thing. It was the closest thing to an out-of-body experience I have ever felt. In my mind’s eye, I can still see myself crouched over, sitting on the floor of the shower, with my arms around my knees, my head between them, alone, and mesmerized by the drain.

As I sat there, I had a million pictures flash through my mind; pictures of that night, pictures from pre-school, memories through my life flooded my brain. I could still clearly hear their voices; I could hear them cheering one another on. I could hear the horrible things they said to me. I could hear them threatening my life, over and over. As if the torture they inflicted on me wasn’t enough, they verbally degraded and taunted me. They made statements like, “faggots are suppose to like this”, and “hey little girl, stop crying”, and among one another they chuckled, “boy, I hope he doesn’t get pregnant”.

I got out of the shower and crawled to my bed. I stayed there for two days without moving. I vowed I would never speak of this, I would not report it to the police, and I would not seek medical attention. I would just “deal” with it.

I could hear the phone ringing, and I could hear voices coming through my answering machine. I still did not move. I listened as my boss called and left a message telling me I was fired, I did not even flinch.
I knew they knew where I lived, and I was waiting for them to come back and finish me off, I waited for the sounds of their voices again, I waited to hear them coming up the hallway to my room to kill me.

After getting out of bed, I went into hiding. I couldn’t go out in public. I had bruises all over. I had ligature marks around my wrists and ankles. The blood vessels in my eyes were broken, and I had blood spots on the whites of my eyes. I talked to my mom and my sister on the phone and acted like I was fine. I acted as though I had been at work.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that there was more than blood that drained out of me in the shower. My goals, spirit, dreams, happiness, and life were attached to those blood cells that swirled around the drain. All of it went into the Denver Metro Sewer System.

In my silence, I knew I had to leave Denver and return home to Idaho. I did not feel safe because they knew where I lived. I did my best to secretly tend to all my wounds, tucking my prolapsed rectum back into myself, then hemorrhoids, and bleeding, etc. I told myself that I would just pretend it never happened. My body was damaged, as was my heart and mind. I had no idea just how much I would be dealing with for the following 10+ years.

A whirlwind of medical procedures, illnesses, surgeries, and financial woes ensued and have NOT stopped yet. People think that if you are a victim of a crime, that it is just the one main event, then it is done. Believe me, that is not the case. I am still afflicted by many diagnoses and conditions. The damage, the trauma, and the stress take a tremendous toll on your physical being. And, for ten years now I have been amidst a complete financial disaster. I have done my best to work in between surgeries and procedures.

In May 2011, after almost 10 years, I finally released it. I told my family and friends, I spoke of it on Facebook. I instinctively hid it inside of myself, just like I did about being gay. It has been 10 months now of coping, healing, speaking, feeling, living, battling, overcoming, and striving to love the skin that I wear. I will never give up, and I will never stop trying. I started a page for Hate Crime Survivors on Facebook. I communicate with other victims and survivors. It is now a part of who I am.

I will be 35 years old on the 28th of this month. In a couple weeks I will be moving into my Dads house, because of all the financial burden of these 10 years. I am letting go of my rented townhouse, and my thrift store furnishings with the hope that life will give me a chance to start over again. These past 10 months have been so difficult in many ways, but also my life has become a beautiful thing that I truly cherish for the first time in almost 35 years.

A male rape survivors story

My name is Jay Herron. I am a fifty- five year old male who is a rape survivor. Now how can that be? only woman get raped !! That is a wrong assumption.

My story is unique,but not unusual-only society may make it seem unusual. Rape among males is a fact. Rape is a sexless and ageless crime.

What happened to me occurred in the new few days of 1970 ,to be more precise-new years eve. After the rape I was repeatedly sexually assaulted for a period nearly two months long.

My story is quite complex,my life has been as if I was a boxer that was’nt a fighter and yet he was proud enough every time he got knocked down that he’d get right back up. My life has been sort of like that- as I have seen tragedy as early as the age of eight,and things in between then and now have always been more unlike other peoples lives , sometimes I have difficulty believing it myself. But,what I will be writing about is true. It happened and there is no reason to season the details at all,because there is no reason to.

In April 1969 I enlisted in the United States Navy,I was 17 years old-and had to wait for my 18th birthday before I could enter active duty. That came in August and I was sent to Great Lakes ,Illinois for my basic training,boot camp.

I loved it. You would have to understand the whole story of my life to understand why I’d loved boots-most people hated it,but I loved every minute of it. I loved the Navy. My Dad had been in during WW II and my oldest brother was serving at the same time I had enlisted. My grandfather on my dads side was a river boat pilot-back in the days when river boats was the transportation of the time. M great grandfather was a sea captain-in charge of those great tall sailing ships. So the navy had fit a family background-but unfortunantly,I was’nt just joining the navy because of our heritage…it was because the US Marine recruiter had jammed his finger in my chest and knocked the wind out of me. And While I stood there trying to get my breathing back-gasping like crazy…the marine recruiter had started a list as to why I did’nt want to be a marine.

I weighed all of about 110 then,skinney-could’nt lift a feather…just about. But somehow his lecture sunk in and by the time my breathing returned tonormal I was pleased he suggested the Navy.

Viet Nam was going as strong as it could get at that time in 1969. We kids in those days had a lot of mixed direction to look at back then. Every week on TV was the Vic Morrow television show…’Combat’,and all of us kids wanted to go off and fight the Nazi’s. But V-Nam was different , and unlike the WW II era-we had the hippie movement,teens and young adults and priests and violence in our home land…all about the Viet Nam war…not the pulling together we saw during the world wars.

So-because I am just learning about this blog idea and that I am not too experienced at the computer…I am going to leave my story at this point and see how it goes into outer space and ends up on this blog site.

I will tell my story in its entire length-in details…as we go along. But this is my first try on this site so I do not want to say alot-and loose it.

Stay tuned,you’ll see an amazing life come together in front of your eyes. Thanks.

Rape, theft and blackmail: True stories of the risks gay Indians take for sex

Yesterday I met face-to-face for the first time with a Facebook friend, Rohan, who lives in my city. As both of us are gay we talked about all the LGBTI issues in India.

The topic then turned to sex and blind dates. And that meant we very quickly started talking about the molestation and vulnerability of gays.

Rohan told me he had a very bitter experience and argued gays in India are really unsafe and vulnerable.

He fixed up a date with a guy he met through a social network. They decided to meet in a public place which is very quiet and empty during evenings.

He said at first he did not like the idea of sex in the open but the boy seemed cute and attractive so he went.

What he didn’t realize was the guy’s true intentions.

At first, all seemed fine. They started kissing and feeling each other’s bodies. Then the guy gently took Rohan’s smartphone from his pocket and suddenly said ‘I think someone is coming’.

Rohan replied he couldn’t see or hear anyone but the guy insisted ‘Let’s go in different directions, otherwise we will be caught’ and ran off.

‘When I came out of that place and realized that my phone was not in my pocket, I panicked. I thought, what I will say at home?

‘I can’t go to police even though I know his fake ID. In any case, I knew that he must have blocked me by now.

‘I stood there for a long time lifeless, not knowing what to do. For me it was not only a financial loss but also a loss of trust.

‘I suffered this only because I was gay. If this has happened to a guy or girl they have easily gone to police to complain about the crime but I am a criminal myself in the eyes of Indian law.’

Rohan even shed a few tears while narrating the story – and that didn’t surprise me. It reminded me of so many similar things that have happened in my gay friends’ lives.

One of the worst incidents happened to a friend of mine when he was in college.

There was an area in our city which was known as a place gay men went to meet – this was in the days before we all had access to social networks.

He sometimes went to this cruising ground and one summer afternoon he went there to find someone for sex – it was almost always easy there to find someone.

Suddenly two guys came across him and shouted ‘stop you gay’.

He became terrified and told me later: ‘I tried to escape but they caught me and held on to my hand.

“‘Why are you here?’ One of them asked

“I said I was going for a walk.

‘”No, you want to get fucked,” they said.’

My friend insisted he ‘was not that kind’ but they threatened to tell his family and friends he is gay.

He was so afraid that he could not decide what to do. They took advantage of his hesitation to search his pockets and take his money. Then they held on to him while they raped him.

When he came out of that place he was out of my mind.

He told me: ‘I cursed myself for being gay. I knew I couldn’t take any action as I’m weak, and my weakness is because of the fact that I am a gay and I do not want to tell it openly to save the honor of my family and because I don’t want to hurt my parents.

‘That day for the first time I hated myself for being gay instead of hating those criminals who raped me and looted my purse.

‘When they eventually released me they said with a broad laugh, “do come again with a full purse and empty ass”.

‘This was the most humiliating moment of my life.’

The third example I would like to share is from my own life, when I was in a teenager and I sexually assaulted by my elder brother’s friend.

He used me many a times, and I kept quite due to the fear. I wondered: ‘What will happen if people came to know that I am a gay, I will lose all the respect from society.’

It was realizing I had these fears and would stay silent that gave courage to that guy to use me this way for so long.

Even today, when gays in India have social media as a platform for their voices, these things still happen.

These three are not the only incidents I know of. In fact, I believe every Indian gay has once or more faced something similar in their life.

Sexual harassment, theft, blackmail and more are common to the LGBTIs of India. And in the end, what are we being punished for? Only for searching for love or sex, which are universal human desires.

This will continue until the law changes and society changes its view. That day is not any time soon. Meanwhile all of us, as LGBTI people, have to be strong enough to defend ourselves as best we can. In this war against theft, rape and abuse, we are sadly the first and only line of our own 

"College Rape"

I can't get the image out of my head. He was lying over my naked body and was thrusting his cock into my no more virgin ass. 

It all started 4 years back when I joined college, it was an engineering college. I came from a family that is not well off. We could barely make our ends meet. My father worked in a coal factory and mother as a house maid. With 4 more brothers and two sisters we hardly get by. When had no TV in our house so studying was my only passtime. I always had a keen interest in physics. I was the only one from my family to go to college yet alone pass high school. I went on a full scholarship with high hopes in my mind. But my dreams came shattered down like a piece of glass. 

It happened on the first day of my college. I was staying in my college hostel and as in all colleges, ragging was a common ritual there. I was always scared of ragging, all because of the horror stories I have heard, about how people are stripped naked and made to do humiliating things. I was more afraid of being ragged rather than leaving home for the first time.

I would describe myself as na�ve. I didn't know much about the world, I was shy, an introvert. Even my physical strength was not par with students of my own age and was always bullied in school. But with four brothers having your back makes things easy. But here I was all alone like a fish surrounded by sharks. 

I was on my way back to my hostel after attending my first day at college. I was taking care of myself, avoiding any eye contacts with bullies, minding my own business without provoking any attention whatsoever. But i wasn't good enough. I was passing a group of seniors sitting on the sidewalk ragging some freshers. I was about to cross them when someone grabbed my arm and pushed me on the sidewalk. I fell down and turned to see my attacker.

His name was sid. He was 6 ft tall, cute, blonde, sharp features, and bulging biceps. He was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts and looked nothing less like a Greek god. "Where do you think you are going? stand up and get in line with others." They were 6 of them and were humiliating four freshers including me by making us dance on one foot to making us lick their boots. 

Sid noticed how nervous I was in this entire ruckus. He stood up and said "hey guys, I am going to the den and I am taking this little pup with me". He winked at his friends and they started laughing. I could see a villainous leer on their faces. There and then I could smell danger. I followed sid to his room. When we were inside he bolted the door from within. I just stood there in one corner waiting for the inevitable to happen. He put on loud music so that no one can hear me. He then jumped on his bed and said "don't just stand there, shake your ass, show me some moves." I was embarrassed so I just stood there. Seeing this he got angry, he came closer and slapped me on my face. Tears started running down my cheeks. He held me tight by my collar and said "do as I say or else I will make your stay in this college miserable". 

I knew he could, so I just comply with his wishes. He lies down on the bed and starts smoking. He then told me strip. I was shocked. But there was nothing I could do. I started with my t-shirt. He told me to do it slowly. I drop my t-shirt on the ground. I had a slim built, looking at my bare chest he got excited. A burgeoning hard-on confirmed the fact. He saw me staring at his bulge. Seeing this he groped his loins and sneer ran across his lips. "You are going to get plenty of this" he said. He then told me to take my trousers off. Reluctantly I did as he told me to, fearing another blow on my face. Now I was standing in front of him in just my boxers. He told me to pull them down. Hearing those words tears swelled up in my eyes. Nobody has ever seen me naked, not even my brothers. I was never into sports, hence didn't have to shower with all the boys during gym after showers. 

"Don't just stand there, I don't have all day, pull down those shorts or else I will rip them apart anyway."

Reluctantly I placed by both hands on the waistband and pulled my boxers down. Tears were streaming down my face and I was covering my vital parts with my hand. Sid stood up and came closer to me and then locks my hands above my head with a tight grip. I was so ashamed that I couldn't even look into his eyes. With his other hand he groped my penis which was lying flaccid between my legs. 

"How many times do you jerk off? Answer me you piece of shit."

"2-3 times in a week" I answered.

"hmm, good for you, have you had sex before?"

"no"

"ever kissed a girl?"

"no"

"just as I thought, you are a faggot. Saving up that cherry for someone special. For me I guess."

With that he groped my ass and played with it. He made it pretty clear what his intentions were.

"please let me go. I beg of you. Please don't do this to me. I am just a boy. Please please. I will do anything you say, just let me go. "

But all my pleas fell on deaf ears. He took out a belt and fasten it round my thighs. And then threw me on my stomach on the bed. I keep on begging him to stop. But it was of no use. I lay there for a while, till he took his clothes off. He took his time taking off his clothes saying all the nasty things he is going to do to me. I was afraid of what was in store for me that I didn't even look back. After a while he climbed on top of me. he was stark naked. He lay on top of me feeling my back with his hands. Kissing me on my back. Bitting me around my neck. Slowly he cupped his hands around my penis and get a grip of my balls and dick, and started stroking them slowly. I could feel his nipples on my back. He was clean shaved. Not a single hair on his chest. I could feel his throbbing dick on my ass crack and a bush of hair around it. He placed his cock well between my crack. I could feel the heat from the whole body and his cock. All this time I begged him to let me go. "all this whining makes makes me so hard", he said.

He then locked my hands above my head with a tight grip. And with other hand, he positioned his cock on my ass crack. As his cock touched my ass lips, a shiver ran through my whole body. I tried to protest, but it was all in vain as he was way too strong for me, I could hardly move with his muscular body all over me. I could feel something sticky, as he has lubed his cock with Vaseline. He aimed it straight in my virgin hole and with one go pushed the head of his throbbing cock inside.

The pain was excruciating, I thought I was about to faint, the burning sensation from my ass was unbearable. I started screaming but to no avail as the loud music made my voice soundless. He didn't stop at this. He kept on going further and further, deeper and deeper into the deep recesses of my ass hole. His cock was like 7 inches long and at least 2 inch think. Soon the whole shaft was in my ass. I was in deep pain, and my rapist was moaning, I could hear the moans. 

"aaaaahhhh aaaahhhh fuck it feels so good. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh"

He kept his cock inside my ass for a while and then pulled it back, just to thrust it back again and this time he didn't show any mercy. It was more painful than earlier. 

"There is nothing better than breaking in a virgin boi, ahhh fuck man, you are so hot, I am going to fuck the shit out of you, aaaaaaaahhhhhh, yes take it like a man, I bet you wanted me to do this. I can sense a faggot when I see one"

He was clearly having the time of his life. With every thrust he got more and more excited and started fucking me with full force. The pain hasn't subsided yet. There was a burning sensation in my ass. I just wanted him to get it over with. But he was no way near Cumming. He kept on going for another 20 min. I buried my head in the mattress, my tears had dried and I thought what my family would think of me if they ever found out. I was weak and I hated that. Here I was getting raped by this jock and there is nothing I can do. I just lay there like a lifeless piece of shit. Very soon he started calling me names, and telling me how good it feels popping a cherry. He said my ass was better than all the girls he has ever dated or all the other boys he had raped.

He quickened his pace and I knew that he was about to cum. He let go of my hands and placed his hands on my waist and started fucking me with an even greater pace, everytime his cock was thrusted in my ass, it felt like a big needle piercing through my skin. Tears again swelled in my eyes. After 5 more minutes of powerful fucking he made a final deep thrust in my ass. His cock swelled and loads of hot cum was smeared inside my ass. 6 shots of thick creamy cum landed in my rectum.

"wow man you are quiet a lay." He lay there on my back for another minute or so, then kised me on my back and get up. Pulled his limp cock out of my bruised ass. He stood there for a min looking down at me, smiling at the work he has done in deflowering me. 

He put on his shorts. And then unbuckled me and kicked me off his bed. I put on my clothes, I could hardly walk with all the pain in my ass, as I stood up cum leaked from my ass and came running down my legs. He smirked seeing me this dilapidated condition. He told me to get lost and never say a word about what happened here or else he would made me a pussy boi for the whole college (which I eventually became). He went back to his business like nothing just happened.

As I opened the door I saw his group coming towards his room, they all saw me walking in a strange way, they made lewd remarks at me and started shouting "cherry-busted" and pushed me around. I kept going, crying and hurt, because somehow I knew that this was just the beginning.

rape part 1-fiction story

ape part 1-fiction story. "College Rape"nnI can't get the image out of my head. He was lying over my naked body and was thrusting his cock into my no more virgin ass. nnIt all started 4 years back when I joined college, it was an engineering college. I came from a family that is not well off. We could barely make our ends meet. My father worked in a coal factory and mother as a house maid. With 4 more brothers and two sisters we hardly get by. When had no TV in our house so studying was my only passtime. I always had a keen interest in physics. I was the only one from my family to go to college yet alone pass high school. I went on a full scholarship with high hopes in my mind. But my dreams came shattered down like a piece of glass. nnIt happened on the first day of my college. I was staying in my college hostel and as in all colleges, ragging was a common ritual there. I was always scared of ragging, all because of the horror stories I have heard, about how people are stripped naked and made to do humiliating things. I was more afraid of being ragged rather than leaving home for the first time.nnI would describe myself as na�ve. I didn't know much about the world, I was shy, an introvert. Even my physical strength was not par with students of my own age and was always bullied in school. But with four brothers having your back makes things easy. But here I was all alone like a fish surrounded by sharks. nnI was on my way back to my hostel after attending my first day at college. I was taking care of myself, avoiding any eye contacts with bullies, minding my own business without provoking any attention whatsoever. But i wasn't good enough. I was passing a group of seniors sitting on the sidewalk ragging some freshers. I was about to cross them when someone grabbed my arm and pushed me on the sidewalk. I fell down and turned to see my attacker.nnHis name was sid. He was 6 ft tall, cute, blonde, sharp features, and bulging biceps. He was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts and looked nothing less like a Greek god. "Where do you think you are going? stand up and get in line with others." They were 6 of them and were humiliating four freshers including me by making us dance on one foot to making us lick their boots. nnSid noticed how nervous I was in this entire ruckus. He stood up and said "hey guys, I am going to the den and I am taking this little pup with me". He winked at his friends and they started laughing. I could see a villainous leer on their faces. There and then I could smell danger. I followed sid to his room. When we were inside he bolted the door from within. I just stood there in one corner waiting for the inevitable to happen. He put on loud music so that no one can hear me. He then jumped on his bed and said "don't just stand there, shake your ass, show me some moves." I was embarrassed so I just stood there. Seeing this he got angry, he came closer and slapped me on my face. Tears started running down my cheeks. He held me tight by my collar and said "do as I say or else I will make your stay in this college miserable". nnI knew he could, so I just comply with his wishes. He lies down on the bed and starts smoking. He then told me strip. I was shocked. But there was nothing I could do. I started with my t-shirt. He told me to do it slowly. I drop my t-shirt on the ground. I had a slim built, looking at my bare chest he got excited. A burgeoning hard-on confirmed the fact. He saw me staring at his bulge. Seeing this he groped his loins and sneer ran across his lips. "You are going to get plenty of this" he said. He then told me to take my trousers off. Reluctantly I did as he told me to, fearing another blow on my face. Now I was standing in front of him in just my boxers. He told me to pull them down. Hearing those words tears swelled up in my eyes. Nobody has ever seen me naked, not even my brothers. I was never into sports, hence didn't have to shower with all the boys during gym after showers. nn"Don't just stand there, I don't have all day, pull down those shorts or else I will rip them apart anyway."nnReluctantly I placed by both hands on the waistband and pulled my boxers down. Tears were streaming down my face and I was covering my vital parts with my hand. Sid stood up and came closer to me and then locks my hands above my head with a tight grip. I was so ashamed that I couldn't even look into his eyes. With his other hand he groped my penis which was lying flaccid between my legs. nn"How many times do you jerk off? Answer me you piece of shit."nn"2-3 times in a week" I answered.nn"hmm, good for you, have you had sex before?"nn"no"nn"ever kissed a girl?"nn"no"nn"just as I thought, you are a faggot. Saving up that cherry for someone special. For me I guess."nnWith that he groped my ass and played with it. He made it pretty clear what his intentions were.nn"please let me go. I beg of you. Please don't do this to me. I am just a boy. Please please. I will do anything you say, just let me go. "nnBut all my pleas fell on deaf ears. He took out a belt and fasten it round my thighs. And then threw me on my stomach on the bed. I keep on begging him to stop. But it was of no use. I lay there for a while, till he took his clothes off. He took his time taking off his clothes saying all the nasty things he is going to do to me. I was afraid of what was in store for me that I didn't even look back. After a while he climbed on top of me. he was stark naked. He lay on top of me feeling my back with his hands. Kissing me on my back. Bitting me around my neck. Slowly he cupped his hands around my penis and get a grip of my balls and dick, and started stroking them slowly. I could feel his nipples on my back. He was clean shaved. Not a single hair on his chest. I could feel his throbbing dick on my ass crack and a bush of hair around it. He placed his cock well between my crack. I could feel the heat from the whole body and his cock. All this time I begged him to let me go. "all this whining makes makes me so hard", he said.nn He then locked my hands above my head with a tight grip. And with other hand, he positioned his cock on my ass crack. As his cock touched my ass lips, a shiver ran through my whole body. I tried to protest, but it was all in vain as he was way too strong for me, I could hardly move with his muscular body all over me. I could feel something sticky, as he has lubed his cock with Vaseline. He aimed it straight in my virgin hole and with one go pushed the head of his throbbing cock inside.nnThe pain was excruciating, I thought I was about to faint, the burning sensation from my ass was unbearable. I started screaming but to no avail as the loud music made my voice soundless. He didn't stop at this. He kept on going further and further, deeper and deeper into the deep recesses of my ass hole. His cock was like 7 inches long and at least 2 inch think. Soon the whole shaft was in my ass. I was in deep pain, and my rapist was moaning, I could hear the moans. nn"aaaaahhhh aaaahhhh fuck it feels so good. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh"nnHe kept his cock inside my ass for a while and then pulled it back, just to thrust it back again and this time he didn't show any mercy. It was more painful than earlier. nn"There is nothing better than breaking in a virgin boi, ahhh fuck man, you are so hot, I am going to fuck the shit out of you, aaaaaaaahhhhhh, yes take it like a man, I bet you wanted me to do this. I can sense a faggot when I see one"nnHe was clearly having the time of his life. With every thrust he got more and more excited and started fucking me with full force. The pain hasn't subsided yet. There was a burning sensation in my ass. I just wanted him to get it over with. But he was no way near Cumming. He kept on going for another 20 min. I buried my head in the mattress, my tears had dried and I thought what my family would think of me if they ever found out. I was weak and I hated that. Here I was getting raped by this jock and there is nothing I can do. I just lay there like a lifeless piece of shit. Very soon he started calling me names, and telling me how good it feels popping a cherry. He said my ass was better than all the girls he has ever dated or all the other boys he had raped.nnHe quickened his pace and I knew that he was about to cum. He let go of my hands and placed his hands on my waist and started fucking me with an even greater pace, everytime his cock was thrusted in my ass, it felt like a big needle piercing through my skin. Tears again swelled in my eyes. After 5 more minutes of powerful fucking he made a final deep thrust in my ass. His cock swelled and loads of hot cum was smeared inside my ass. 6 shots of thick creamy cum landed in my rectum.nn"wow man you are quiet a lay." He lay there on my back for another minute or so, then kised me on my back and get up. Pulled his limp cock out of my bruised ass. He stood there for a min looking down at me, smiling at the work he has done in deflowering me. nnHe put on his shorts. And then unbuckled me and kicked me off his bed. I put on my clothes, I could hardly walk with all the pain in my ass, as I stood up cum leaked from my ass and came running down my legs. He smirked seeing me this dilapidated condition. He told me to get lost and never say a word about what happened here or else he would made me a pussy boi for the whole college (which I eventually became). He went back to his business like nothing just happened.nnAs I opened the door I saw his group coming towards his room, they all saw me walking in a strange way, they made lewd remarks at me and started shouting "cherry-busted" and pushed me around. I kept going, crying and hurt, because somehow I knew that this was just the beginning.